English as a Secondary Language?

Those of you who have English as a secondary language, I commend you!

The English Language

We'll begin with a box, the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called man,
why shouldn't the plural of a pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be caled beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also a brothren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim.

Some reasons to be greatful if you grew up speaking english:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furnature.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the army base, a bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmenabout how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The duck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind! For example...
If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England, nor french fries, french toast, or french dressing invented in France.

If we explore it paradoxes, we find that quicksand and work slowly,
boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why don't preatchers praught?

If a vegetarian eats veggies, what does a humanitarian eat?

If dad is pop, why isn't mom mop?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo bu shit?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can't burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.